Take your rivals as your inspiration, not enemies

Our rivals can make us better if we choose to study them rather than try to beat them. Do you feel that life is a competition—a game that must be won in a limited amount of time?

Well known, author and motivational speaker Simon Sinek says how “a worthy rival inspires us to take on an attitude of improvement.” Sinek admits that he first felt the need to compare himself to and despair about his perceived rival, Wharton professor Adam Grant. They shared a stage at a conference and both realized that there was no need to compete for book sales or any other marker. Since then, Sinek has turned his focus away from a limited mind set and arbitrary self-measurement and works only towards improving what he can offer to others.

Real leaders are the ones who think beyond ‘short term goals’ versus ‘long term goals.’ They are the ones who know that it is not about the next quarter, or the next examination or a few more years; it is about the next generation…because there is no finish line, no practical end to the game called life, there is no such thing as ‘winning’ an infinite game.” We face deadlines, like the one he had to finish the term or a race, but to succeed in the infinite game of life, we have to stop thinking about who wins or who’s the best and start thinking about how to build a system for the organizations that are strong enough and healthy enough to stay in the game for many generations to come. Or to think more broadly: Players with an infinite thinking want to leave their organizations, their loved ones and communities in a better shape than they found them and say “I lived a life worth living.”

We need to understand the things are to be used and people are to be loved. Putting people before your profit as often as possible is the key for a long term business. Business can make money and change the world yes but to make it last for a very very long time we need to have a leader’s thinking to nurture, train and support people that work with us and for us. Our rivals, no matter what they are, people or a scenario may be a phobia or a fear, can make us better if we see them more as inspiration then a competition.

To win a heart, you must surrender your heart first

I would reasonably prefer to surrender and feel like a winner, then cheat and feel like a looser.  Winning can never be your practice unless defeats have torn you apart and you have the experience of stitching back yourself one piece at a time and you  laugh in the faces of all defeats.

No one can ever think of winning and owning someone's heart unless he has a bigger heart to surrender his will, emotion desires, needs and egos for that person.

Giving up, surrendering and facing defeat seems to be very painful and difficult in a world that prefers competition, race and getting ahead faster and ruthless. We are trapped in deadly misconception of wining without losing our ego.

It is hard to understand delicacies like sacrifice, humility, compassion, sensitivity, creativity and respect towards the importance of our social values. We would rather go for a sacrificing money and our assets maybe some of our time to win other persons loyalty devotion commitment sensitivity, and his creativity thinking that we have made a great effort and a sacrifice feeling proud like a boss. 

Never feeling anything about what we have achieved or won in return. Winning like that never brings us the real essence of life, ate least not permanently because once that person is able to have a bigger more attractive offer he leaves. Because there is no emotional bonding no human values and relationship that lasts forever and we still blame him for quitting and giving up on us.  

Buying someone’s love, loyalty devotion and commitment   with money and material incentives like providing clothing, shelter and food even benefits like washing and cleaning or free cooking does not bring us compassion sensitivity care and humility forever it requires more than that to form an emotional bond. It needs us to surrender our heart our will and prove our loyalty devotion humility care and commitment.

You can always hire a maid to a lots of things for you and always get fresh food, cleaning and washing and if you can’t afford that you can always charm someone else into it but you can never win a heart and keep a loyal companion with you in all those hard and dangers times no matter what.

Again in a world of speed and shortcut we do not believe in reliable long lasting relationships actually we need everything fast and disposable. We would only concentrate on our financial strength to win and buy even a souse loyalty dedication care even love. We are not even interested in having a permanent father brother sister or even a mother on our side. Then why would prefer an employee with permanent long lasting relationship. 

But the thing is that we always complain for the mistrust, uncertainty and lack of loyalty and always want others to be perfect in every way for us. Always ready to help, caring and devoted and when they are not we never understand the real reason behind that.
Whatever we do, whatever relationship we need to have no matter what purpose we have in our lives if you don’t do it with all our heart with complete submission of our all our emotions and feelings we never get the desired results.

Half-hearted efforts have half the results. Incomplete unsatisfying achievements become the root cause of our frustrations and we still don’t believe why after all those spending and services rendered without putting a heart into them have no good results.

The secret behind all that is not in becoming someone, its actually being someone. All our lives we actually pretend to become someone. We do not like to be an actual father, mother even a brother, sister or even a souse. This goes the same way when we struggle to become a professional. We become a doctor scientist or an engineer but actually we never try to be one. 

Those who actually are the doctors scientist engineer or any other specialist or professional, become those few names that we can count on our fingertips and the world knows them. Realizing that we are not what we are trying to prove we don’t even repent. We keep on insisting that what’s wrong is actually right. We try to mould and twist facts in our favour and do our best to prove that what we are is actually what a true father, mother, and bother sister even a spouse should be like.  We not even pretend we perform a role an act in front of people. But when we are in private or alone or unaware that we are being noticed, the actual self-image leaks out revealing our ugly self-cause we can never hide those personality indicators. We underestimate others and think we are the clever one only and we can always fool everyone around.

The only answer to all these miseries agonies and troubles is in those simple ways of being yourself, try to be yourself only, not anyone else, be comfortable with yourself and let the outside world shape a different you,  a better you, sooner or later a better you will emerge. Not letting it happen won’t work it will keep on shaping you anyway, the harder you cling to what you are not, the harder deformation will 

To be great is to be misunderstood

''To be great is to be misunderstood''

― Ralph Waldo Emerson,  says in Self-Reliance, one of his greatest essays

Sometimes people living too close to you are unable to see your talents and greatness. This is like being too close to a great sculpture makes you unable to see every detail of that masterpiece. Great people are mostly recognised by the people at a distance, able to see those great things in detail. Many of the great men in the world have experienced that. There are a very few of them being understood and recognised by their life partners and family members before the outside world recognized and accepted them. It takes a talent too bright to be ignored or missed by the people nearby.

The individual, Emerson says, must be self-reliant and self-sufficient: "To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men,–that is genius . . . imitation is suicide . . . Accept the place the divine providence has found for you.

 . . ." A true man is a self-trusting nonconformist, for "Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind." Emerson rejects traditional morality: "the only right is what is after my constitution; the only wrong what is against it . . . I shun father and mother and wife and brother when my genius calls me . . . 

The great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude." Conformity makes us false, but "For non-conformity the world whips you with its displeasure.

" The other enemy of self-trust "is our own consistency; a reverence for our past act or word. . . ." Self-contradiction is unimportant, for we must "bring the past for judgment into the thousand-eyed present, and live ever in a new day." The great man must realize that people will resent his preference of truth over consistency:

. . . Speak what you think now in hard words and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict everything you said today.–"Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood."–Is it so bad then to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernious, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.

Making someone feel good

Have you ever been able to make someone feel good? Just because you want a smile a sense of tranquillity and serenity on their faces. Giving them hope, enthusiasm and trust, instead of making him feel bad, week, incapable or incompetent? Just for the sake of getting ahead in the race, winning and gaining you push someone aside or behind with those invisible, subliminal disguised indirect attacks and you still think world will never know?

Did you ever have the pleasure of making someone feel good about life for nothing in return, just for the sake of goodness, prayers and blessings? I don’t mean for the time being only I mean it as a continuous process making it your habit your nature as an optimist.

This is what the world is missing. This is what’s rapidly disappearing from humanity.  For a while, If we just put aside that meanness, materialism, brutality and injustice aside. The inhuman behaviour and that cold attitude just for sake of looking cool, is what is spread all over the society.

We don’t even care even if we notice someone feels bad, someone feels emotionally torn, unable to do something for himself, for his family or nation, just because he feels insecure and emotionally unstable and fallen sick.

We don’t care about the likes of a person and keep on imposing and forcing our own likes even if we have to twist and mould them to look like something else.

But the worst thing we do not care about and we even reject, is what actually someone dislikes. We look down at them as creatures who don’t have a heart that cannot stand someone cheating, playing dirty tricks, and making a fool out of them by self-assumingly thinking to be more clever and smarter. We bully them always looking for something that we can object upon. Finding faults all the time instead of finding great things, habits and abilities and encouraging, praising and helping them to realize what so special about them, in them.

Making someone feel good is caring with feeling of compassion. Believing in mankind and goodness. Having the empathetic view about this world, being expectant about positivity that always wins.  Having firm faith in The Creator and His creations that were created for godnees and a greater brighter cause. 

This is so sensitively important and delicate to realize how positive, promising hopeful words and attitude towards people, starting from your critical relation, is the most essential requirement that even the plants and the trees get seriously ill with that bitter and attitude and atmosphere.

Accordingto some reports in the Solomon Islands of the pacific the islanders practice aspecial form of curse magic. If a tree needs to be cut down and it is too bigto be chopped down, it is brought down by the combined efforts of the Islanders cursing negatively and yelling at the tree. This negative energy somehow damages the tree’s life energy the result being after about 30 days of getting cursed the tree dies off and falls to the ground! 

The highest form of love

The highest form of love is worship and The Highest Form of Worship is Obedience. Obedience means, complete 100% submission and you can never get into complete submission without respect, which is the very first step towards love.

We are not here in this world with our own choice, we were sent here. Without purpose you think? The creator sent you without a reason?

Jiddu Krishnamurt, was an Indian philosopher, speaker and writer. In his early life he was groomed to be the new World Teacher but later rejected this mantle and withdrew from the Theosophy organization behind it.

The core of Krishnamurti's teaching is contained in the statement he made in 1929 when he said, 'Truth is a pathless land'. Man cannot come to it through any organisation, through any creed, through any dogma, priest or ritual, not through any philosophical knowledge or psychological technique. He has to find it through the mirror of relationship, through the understanding of the contents of his own mind, through observation and not through intellectual analysis or introspective dissection.'

Answering the question ‘What do you mean by love? He said:
We are going to discover by understanding what love is not, because, as love is the unknown, we must come to it by discarding the known. The unknown cannot be discovered by a mind that is full of the known. What we are going to do is to find out the values of the known, look at the known, and when that is looked at purely, without condemnation, the mind becomes free from the known; then we shall know what love is. So, we must approach love negatively, not positively.

What is love with most of us? When we say we love somebody, what do we mean? We mean we possess that person. From that possession arises jealousy, because if I lose him or her what happens? I feel empty, lost; therefore I legalize possession; I hold him or her. From holding, possessing that person, there is jealousy, there is fear and all the innumerable conflicts that arise from possession. Surely such possession is not love, is it?

Obviously love is not sentiment. To be sentimental, to be emotional, is not love, because sentimentality and emotion are mere sensations. A religious person who weeps about Jesus or Krishna, about his guru or somebody else, is merely sentimental, emotional. He is indulging in sensation, which is a process of thought, and thought is not love. Thought is the result of sensation, so the person who is sentimental, who is emotional, cannot possibly know love.

Again, aren't we emotional and sentimental? Sentimentality, emotionalism, is merely a form of self-expansion. To be full of emotion is obviously not love, because a sentimental person can be cruel when his sentiments are not responded to, when his feelings have no outlet. An emotional person can be stirred to hatred, to war, to butchery. A man who is sentimental, full of tears for his religion, surely has no love.
Is forgiveness love? What is implied in forgiveness? You insult me and I resent it, remember it; then, either through compulsion or through repentance, I say, "I forgive you". First I retain and then I reject. Which means what? I am still the central figure. I am still important, it is I who am forgiving somebody. As long as there is the attitude of forgiving it is I who am important, not the man who is supposed to have insulted me.
So when I accumulate resentment and then deny that resentment, which you call forgiveness, it is not love. A man who loves obviously has no enmity and to all these things he is indifferent. Sympathy, forgiveness, and the relationship of possessiveness, jealousy and fear - all these things are not love. They are all of the mind, are they not? As long as the mind is the arbiter, there is no love, for the mind arbitrates only through possessiveness and its arbitration is merely possessiveness in different forms. The mind can only corrupt love, it cannot give birth to love, it cannot give beauty. You can write a poem about love, but that is not love.

Obviously there is no love when there is no real respect, when you don't respect another, whether he is your servant or your friend. Have you not noticed that you are not respectful, kindly, generous, to your servants, to people who are so-called `below' you? You have respect for those above, for your boss, for the millionaire, for the man with a large house and a title, for the man who can give you a better position, a better job, from whom you can get something. But you kick those below you, you have a special language for them.

Therefore where there is no respect, there is no love; where there is no mercy, no pity, no forgiveness, there is no love. And as most of us are in this state we have no love. We are neither respectful nor merciful nor generous. We are possessive, full of sentiment and emotion which can be turned either way: to kill, to butcher or to unify over some foolish, ignorant intention.

So how can there be love? You can know love only when all these things have stopped, come to an end, only when you don't possess, when you are not merely emotional with devotion to an object. Such devotion is a supplication, seeking something in a different form. A man who prays does not know love. Since you are possessive, since you seek an end, a result, through devotion, through prayer, which make you sentimental, emotional, naturally there is no love; obviously there is no love when there is no respect.

You may say that you have respect but your respect is for the superior, it is merely the respect that comes from wanting something, the respect of fear. If you really felt respect, you would be respectful to the lowest as well as to the so-called highest; since you haven't that, there is no love. How few of us are generous, forgiving, and merciful! You are generous when it pays you, you are merciful when you can see something in return.

When these things disappear, when these things don't occupy your mind and when the things of the mind don't fill your heart, then there is love; and love alone can transform the present madness and insanity in the world - not systems, not theories, either of the left or of the right. You really love only when you do not possess, when you are not envious, not greedy, when you are respectful, when you have mercy and compassion, when you have consideration for your wife, your children, your neighbour, and your unfortunate servants.

Love cannot be thought about, love cannot be cultivated, and love cannot be practiced. The practice of love, the practice of brotherhood, is still within the field of the mind, therefore it is not love. When all this has stopped, then love comes into being, then you will know what it is to love. Then love is not quantitative but qualitative. You do not say, "I love the whole world" but when you know how to love one, you know how to love the whole. Because we do not know how to love one, our love of humanity is fictitious. When you love, there is neither one nor many: there is only love. It is only when there is love that all our problems can be solved and then we shall know its bliss and its happiness."

With this wonderful explanation of love by Jiddu , there is one thing that needs to be explained about love. When we want all the goodness all the well-being for someone on any cost and stop loving ourselves, only then we are truly in love with someone.

And when we feel the same way for all mankind, we want all the goodness and wellbeing for all mankind that’s real love which is called divine love.  The highest form of love that Jesus, Mosses and Muhammad PBUH had.

There is nothing good or bad, right or wrong in this world

An interesting post on social media this morning triggered a thought about the difference between a fighter jet pilot and a Commercial flight pilot, it said:

‘‘An Airbus 380 is on its way across Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800km/h in 30,000 ft. when suddenly a Eurofighter jet appears. The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: ‘Airbus flight, a boring flight isn't it? Take care and have a look here’ He rolls his jet on his back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to height, only to stoop down almost to sea level. He loops back next to Airbus and ask ‘Well, how was that?’ The Airbus pilot answers: ‘Very impressive, but now have a look here!’ The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly stubbornly straight, at the same speed. After 5 minutes, the Airbus pilot radioed ‘Well, what are you saying now?’ The jet pilot asks confused: ‘What did you do?’ The other laughs and says, ‘I got up, stretched by legs, went to back of the flight to bathroom, got a cup of coffee & a cinnamon cake. All jobs are great! One needs to see which job resonates with you. If you are high on adrenaline, fighter jet might be your choice, but if you want comfort and peace, Airbus is the one!’’

I wonder why we assume that a Fighter Jet Pilot is so dumb about the auto pilot facility or the difference between a jet airplane and a commercial flight. I don’t think this a case of a job that resonates with you or a choice for a career. 

It is a case of introducing yourself to a better or higher taste as you get wiser and mature. I think there is nothing good or bad, right or wrong in this world, only our thinking makes it so. The higher thoughts we have the wiser we get. We understand the secrets of tastes of those things that look boring at younger less mature age. It goes with the taste of music, art and even the taste of your dresses and the way you like to travel.

No wonder everyone has a different scenario, perks and benefits as well as importance of the job. But there is a big difference between doing it voluntarily and doing it for money. There is also a difference between the two persons in the same profession, from different areas of service getting together on a certain platform, where contributions, services and support is required, voluntarily for a noble cause and if at that platform where a selfless volunteer is needed. A man working only for money cannot understand what it means working for the people and working for a cause is. Sometimes, age is not the reason for maturity and higher tastes. As most of the people just grow old instead of growing up.

It is said that if you need to be highly successful, take up a cause, write a book or fall in love. It is all creativity. A Cause that requires leadership skills, to understand real growth. It is when everyone grows with you, all together, not only you. Leadership requires creativity and unfortunately, for most people, creativity gets killed very early at school their level.

Creativity survives in those people only, with a strong leadership background and support. But for the rest of them, all that is left are the distorted, deformed or I would say unwise, immature concepts about social values and soft skills.  They understand only what was being taught to them subliminally at their schools, colleges and universities. Making them get below the line of real understanding, wisdom and maturity. Training them to be great servants, followers and slaves that requires inferior tastes of the delicacies and value of life. Making them go after small immature priorities of life. Well trained with these meanings of values:

Discipline means wearing a uniform, getting ready in time for the drill and reaching right on time for the lessons and leaving right on the dot for the next lesson in cue making no noise or gestures.

While discipline actually means, being well prepared, organized and ready for the quest to achieve your goals in life. Gaining the right knowledge and insight for setting up directions according to ways of those successful ones ahead of you. You don’t need to put all your attention for being right on the dot in a clean well pressed uniform following orders in cue for that. That way you forget you goals and become an obedient servant and a follower only when your ambitions, enthusiasm and questions are ignored and crushed.
Freedom means you are a free man to do whatever you like and no one has a right to stop you. When actually it means your right to do the right thing. 

Respect means only self-respect. You can call anyone with any name and disrespect them in the name of your right free freedom of speech or may be straight forwardness. 
Earning means earning money only. Not earning prayers of others for you. 

Love means, getting love, respect tolerance, care and attention from others no matter how and what it takes. Not earning it, never trying to give it first selflessly, because you are told from early stage that you are special, take care of yourself only and stay away from strangers. Be very careful about trusting other specially the ones around you related to you or close to your trying to get closer.

But you can always trust a shopkeeper, a bus driver or a pilot to take you to your required destination. Even if you don’t know him there is no need to check his eyesight, licence or a permit.

Never feel ashamed and always avoid those, trying to point out your shortcomings, flaws and your faults. They are just taunting you. Stay away from criticism but always call it a healthy thing for others. Stay away from tough questions and tough life. Always find comforts, safe heavens and luxuries for yourself in the name of progress, development and protection. 

But I don’t call it wrong or bad at all. I call it lack of wisdom and maturity. Just the way when a child does something wrong or bad you call it lack of understanding and knowledge and you just ignore that and advise other people with lesser understanding to take it easy and say ‘ Take it easy, it is only a matter of time when he understands what actually good and what’s not.’

I think people get the understanding of wisdom and maturity when they go through several experiences in life about something. There is no shortcut to experience yes but there is a better way that requires development of taste of associating with the people ahead in life. Observing, absorbing the way they live. Following exactly the way they do it, duplicating copying those ways just the way we learn a recipe from a chef. We do sometimes improvise it according to our taste and flare but we do not replace everything, just to enhance its flavor.

We need to think deeper why, we only replicate a chef for a recipe? Why don’t we copy and replicate wiser, mutterer and highly successful people, when we know that learning from our own mistakes is good, but it is better to learn from other people mistakes and it is best to learn from the success of the great people?