Have you heard the term Gaslighting? A deeply disturbing emotional abuse that tears a family apart.
It is a form of a psychological abuse involving of manipulation of situations of events that cause a person to be confused or to doubt his perceptions or memories. Gaslighiting causes victims to to constantly second- guess themselves and wonder if they are loosing their minds or they are wrong about everything.
Gaslighting is an undercover form of Emotional Abuse. Well, let's use an example to explain to what it is.
You’ve probably found yourself in a situation where someone assures you that you said something. Yet, you don’t remember having said it.
You dig through your memory and reach the conclusion that you definitely did not say it. You’re convinced that you’re right about this.
However, this person affirms that you said it. And he does it with so much confidence that you end up giving in. You end up thinking that maybe you did say it, even if you don’t remember doing so. You may have become another victim of gaslighting. When a toxic persons like that can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you.
Gaslighting is defined as repetitive manipulation one person exerts upon another person. Its primary objective is to undermine the confidence of the victim, so this person perceives reality in a distorted way. Failing that or being unable to do that they make a monster out you in front of others.
This is not new this phenomenon was first detected in the 1960’s and it is frequently happens in workplaces and family. Gaslighting is a deliberate way of lying, aiming to confuse the victim or destroy others trust over him, in order to get something out of it. It’s a form of psychological abuse, but very subtle. Violence rarely comes into play when it comes to gaslighting, though there is usually some degree of intimidation involved.
Therefore, it’s difficult to detect. Additionally, the manipulator is usually someone “worthy of trust”, kind and someone you are close to.
So, when toxic person or sometimes people around you, like that, can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will feel unfair, but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth just like you did.
If they made a monster out of you because you walked away from their drama, so be it. Let them deal with what they have created. Be at peace with yourself, and stay out of conflict. You are allowed to terminate your relationships with TOXIC family members. You are allowed to walk away form people who hurt you. You are allowed to be angry, selfish and unforgiving. You don't owe an explanation to anyone for being selfish.
You may make the mistake of thinking it’s funny. Or that you would never fall into such a ridiculous form of manipulation.
However, most people ignore the fact that this situation does happen in relationships. In fact, in a joint family relationships, complex mechanisms of projection and introjection take place.
As a general rule, victims of gaslighting are usually distrustful people who finally find someone seemingly trustworthy.
On the other hand, the manipulator is a person is insecure, but obsessed with exerting control over others. They pretend to be kind and say they’re only looking out for the other person’s well-being.
But this is just a facade. The victim comes to idealize this person. Thus, the perfect scenario for gaslighting is created. When this form of emotional manipulation is sustained for long periods of time, it has profoundly negative consequences for the victim.
The most worrisome of these consequences, without a doubt, is the victim’s submission to the “reality” imposed by the manipulator.
Gaslighting follows a pattern, classified into three stages. In the first stage, the victim presents argumentative resistance and rejects the affirmations of the manipulators. Meanwhile, the abusers try to convince the victim how they should think and feel.
In fact, in some cases they may argue for hours and hours. And then nothing concrete comes from these discussions, besides exhaustion.
In the second stage, the victim tries to keep an open mind so they can better understand the other’s point of view. However, since there is no reciprocity, the victim begins to doubt their beliefs and if not the manipulators try to reach other people unaware of the actual circumstances and aims of the manipulators. Because thees outsiders are easy to convince and become their victims too.
The third stage is based on confusion, where the victim’s frame of reference breaks down. They now believe that what their manipulator claims is true, normal and, therefore, real.
There are some personality traits that predispose some individuals to become potential victims of gaslighting.
A lack of affection is one of them. The potential victim sees the manipulator as a savior and idealizes them because of this. This reaction is based on the fact that the victim interprets the manipulator’s actions as a true sign of affection. Even the arguments from the first stage make the victim feel like the manipulator is paying attention to them.
A person who needs to be right all the time has a higher chance of being a victim of this type of abuse. This situation happens when subjective things are discussed. The future victim’s arguments crumble as a result of wear and tear.
Finally, the need to be approved by others plays a decisive role. In this case, everything is served on a silver platter for the manipulator, who will not waste any time and immediately take advantage of this weakness.
To avoid falling into this type of toxic relationship, keep these things in mind. The first is that you must be alert to anything that makes you question your own beliefs and rattles your self-confidence.
Do not engage in pointless discussions. That includes exchanging subjective points of view which will lead you nowhere.
And finally, try to build up your worldview with solid arguments, to the point that they become convictions. Additionally, do not allow others to question your way of thinking or feeling. Don’t forget this is the ideal breeding ground for those who would try to manipulate you.
