Policy is the best honesty

Nowadays people believe that they should adopt a policy instead of being honest.

It is said that honesty is important but only in a particular situation, not always. 

You need to act strategically to handle every situation because, what would happen if your honesty makes your situation too complicated, think of yourself man! You have to deal with your own needs and problems no one else is going to help you. 

Everyone is facing their own problems and in fact wars are won with a strategy and a policy right? 

People also think that honesty should be accepted as a lifestyle but they also talk about the corrupted society and blame people for being silent against it and say ‘’if honesty really is good then why doesn’t it change the society?’’

Some say that honesty is important in our life, but sometimes honesty makes a fool out of us and one should always decide when to be honest or use a different policy to save themselves first. Think of yourself and your interests first.

There is always a wiser bunch that says, “Sometimes we need to choose a different path, always being honest hurts us and others as well. Staying honest all the time doesn't help. At times you have to go off track because people exploit honest people and they end up in deep trouble. Being ‘too honest’ is not good, or being a good person does not help”

This wiser bunch also have stronger reasoning that says: 

‘’We don’t need knives or guns to mortally wound those closest to us. Words cut like knives and it’s easy to bury your relationship with the verbal cuts of a “truthful” tongue. ‘Truth is honesty’ is often a veiled form of self-indulgence. When feelings build up, it’s frustrating to ‘sit’ on them. And, of course, it feels damn good to release them. That feel good sensation is a form of gratification. It’s like taking an emotional poop, which provides an instant release of pressure. But when we dump emotional turds on others, we are flushing our relationships down the toilet.’’ 

Who says being harsh, bitter and cold means being honest and true? Truth that destroys a home and also rescinds a personality isn’t a truth and certainly, it is not being honest. But there are always better and polite ways to stay honest and truthful as well. Politeness is an oil that lubricates the wheels of society and politeness does not always means being tricky or a cheat. 

Today’s concepts of being honest, truthful and being polite, sweet and right are very confusing and are distorted. 

It’s a sad fact that our education at home and in school doesn’t include teaching us how to manage our emotions and feelings. Since all relationships trigger negative feelings, this means most of us are mistreating the people we love most by lashing out and even verbally killing those we supposedly love in various overt and symbolic ways and it does not mean at all they are being honest and true to each other or being honest and true hurts.

We are educating ourselves out of the true meanings of honesty, truthfulness, politeness and kindness.  And that has been happening since the last 3oo years when the so called educational revolution started with the beginning of the industrial age.

It’s time to unlearn and re-educate ourselves getting back towards the true essence of life.  Einstein said “the world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it…’’ and stay silent or build a policy around it.

There are always better ways to react and respond. Better, politer sweeter even funnier ways to express genuine emotions and feelings. Funnier ways are considered to be the most difficult ones and you need to be extremely witty for that. This is why a lot of people pretend to dislike jokes and comedy. 

Imagine someone invites you to do that activity. How do you respond?

If you say, “I hate that,” or “I don’t like that,” you may come across as too harsh and direct.

If someone invites you on a camping trip (but you dislike these trips), you might respond with: 

''I don’t like going out, I hate that.

Or 

“I think I’ll pass. I’m not really into outdoor activities.”

If some co-workers want to go to a new seafood restaurant for lunch (but you think seafood is gross), you could say: ‘’ I hate the idea, who eats seafood?’’ Or you can say “I’m actually not a big seafood fan. Any chance you want to go to a steakhouse instead?”

But there is a sick kind of satisfaction that most people derive when they dump their anger on somebody else, especially a loved one who has really hurt and angered them.

You need to re-evaluate the things that were actually lost. Do you still want them? Is it still attainable? Things might not seem to be a greater loss than your ego or self-respect that you might think you lost during a harsh exchange of words with someone.

If outright dumping and subtle paybacks aren't the answer, then what can be done with anger?

Contrary to what you may have heard that angry feelings must never ever be "expressed", expressed anger refers to various forms of acting out in which one vents, rants and raves. Expressing consists of releasing raw impulses and basically dumping feelings on the other person. The key point here is the distinction between expressing versus describing one's feelings. Describing involves taking an emotional distance, and using your intellect to devise a clear-headed description of what you're feeling and why. Describing is what you're after. 

So please try keeping your temper to yourself, nobody wants it.

Don't fool yourself into believing that you cannot control what you say or do in the heat of anger. You can! You can control yourself when it comes to a boss or superior. You wouldn't think of telling off your boss because you know you'd lose your job! 

This means that you can choose to control yourself in your personal relationships if you want to. The reason people don't control themselves in their closer relationships is because they don't think they have to. What I'm talking about here is making the choice to control yourself with those you love most, because you have to. If you don't, you won't lose your job, you'll lose your relationships.  

It might be harder than you think to not mention what happened to you at all for some time, but give it a try. Enlist friends to keep you on track, or try putting a rubber band around your wrist and ‘pinging’ it just enough to cause you a sting each time you find yourself telling yourself letting those emotion burst and telling that story again. This is way to train the brain away from entrenched patterns.

Spying on others can also be addictive. If you can’t stop spying, you might need support. Tell a good friend, seek a support group for therapy or get an advice from an elder or expert. If you feel out of control, you might want to a counsellor for a round of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).

Bitterness often is a perfect disguise for a fear of change or of failing or loosing. If you deal with the fear, you won’t need the bitterness anymore.

For example, if you are claiming you will never marry this is because you were experiencing difficult times between your parents’ marriage. Is it possible you are holding on to your bitterness about marriage when you could work on your confidence to fix things in your relationships with other, take advice from someone wise, read about solving that problem learn how to tackle the situation better and get on with your dreams.

Learn to let go and forgive – but only at your own pace. Forgiveness is a great psychological release – but only if you are ready and it’s real. Fake forgiveness can be a way of just denying how you feel, or even hold you back from processing emotions and situations. 

And don’t forget to forgive yourself, too. This might be the hardest but most important part of moving on from bitterness.

Finding ways to re-frame what happened in ways that show yourself compassion can be a great release.

If you feel overwhelmed, again, don’t be afraid to seek support. Bitterness is a hard thing for anyone to get over, and sometimes the strongest thing you can do is admit you need help. You might want to try a round of compassion-focused therapy.

Get into the now moment by concerning yourself with current opportunities and goals that are about you and a positive future. One of the best techniques for staying centred is mindfulness. A tool used to constantly check in with your feelings, become conscious of the thoughts that are distracting you, and learn to notice the good things right in front of you.

Bitterness tends to fade in the face of excitement and joy – in other words, new and better experiences. Explore a long time interest, re-connect with others, and choose some new things to put into your life. Remember, either you enjoy what you possess and own or you experience its bitterness. It might be a relationship or may be those things that you own, but you need to own it first to feel different about it.

Bitterness is a powerful tide, and best intentions to do things like try new things and be mindful can soon be caught in its tug. The way around this is to not just make big goals, but also small goals every morning that keep you on the road away from bitterness.

A mood of embitterment can have us seeing life from a very narrow perspective indeed. Don’t be afraid to take expert advice from a great coach that can help you move forward in life. The truth is that bitterness can be quite the battle to move on from. 

And sometimes the strongest tactic and easiest way forward is to accept help. If your friends and loved ones are great listeners with no agenda, perfect. But if you need an unbiased viewpoint and a place you don’t feel judged, again, try a support group or a counsellor and a mentor.

Take your rivals as your inspiration, not enemies

Our rivals can make us better if we choose to study them rather than try to beat them. Do you feel that life is a competition—a game that must be won in a limited amount of time?

Well known, author and motivational speaker Simon Sinek says how “a worthy rival inspires us to take on an attitude of improvement.” Sinek admits that he first felt the need to compare himself to and despair about his perceived rival, Wharton professor Adam Grant. They shared a stage at a conference and both realized that there was no need to compete for book sales or any other marker. Since then, Sinek has turned his focus away from a limited mind set and arbitrary self-measurement and works only towards improving what he can offer to others.

Real leaders are the ones who think beyond ‘short term goals’ versus ‘long term goals.’ They are the ones who know that it is not about the next quarter, or the next examination or a few more years; it is about the next generation…because there is no finish line, no practical end to the game called life, there is no such thing as ‘winning’ an infinite game.” We face deadlines, like the one he had to finish the term or a race, but to succeed in the infinite game of life, we have to stop thinking about who wins or who’s the best and start thinking about how to build a system for the organizations that are strong enough and healthy enough to stay in the game for many generations to come. Or to think more broadly: Players with an infinite thinking want to leave their organizations, their loved ones and communities in a better shape than they found them and say “I lived a life worth living.”

We need to understand the things are to be used and people are to be loved. Putting people before your profit as often as possible is the key for a long term business. Business can make money and change the world yes but to make it last for a very very long time we need to have a leader’s thinking to nurture, train and support people that work with us and for us. Our rivals, no matter what they are, people or a scenario may be a phobia or a fear, can make us better if we see them more as inspiration then a competition.

To win a heart, you must surrender your heart first

I would reasonably prefer to surrender and feel like a winner, then cheat and feel like a looser.  Winning can never be your practice unless defeats have torn you apart and you have the experience of stitching back yourself one piece at a time and you  laugh in the faces of all defeats.

No one can ever think of winning and owning someone's heart unless he has a bigger heart to surrender his will, emotion desires, needs and egos for that person.

Giving up, surrendering and facing defeat seems to be very painful and difficult in a world that prefers competition, race and getting ahead faster and ruthless. We are trapped in deadly misconception of wining without losing our ego.

It is hard to understand delicacies like sacrifice, humility, compassion, sensitivity, creativity and respect towards the importance of our social values. We would rather go for a sacrificing money and our assets maybe some of our time to win other persons loyalty devotion commitment sensitivity, and his creativity thinking that we have made a great effort and a sacrifice feeling proud like a boss. 

Never feeling anything about what we have achieved or won in return. Winning like that never brings us the real essence of life, ate least not permanently because once that person is able to have a bigger more attractive offer he leaves. Because there is no emotional bonding no human values and relationship that lasts forever and we still blame him for quitting and giving up on us.  

Buying someone’s love, loyalty devotion and commitment   with money and material incentives like providing clothing, shelter and food even benefits like washing and cleaning or free cooking does not bring us compassion sensitivity care and humility forever it requires more than that to form an emotional bond. It needs us to surrender our heart our will and prove our loyalty devotion humility care and commitment.

You can always hire a maid to a lots of things for you and always get fresh food, cleaning and washing and if you can’t afford that you can always charm someone else into it but you can never win a heart and keep a loyal companion with you in all those hard and dangers times no matter what.

Again in a world of speed and shortcut we do not believe in reliable long lasting relationships actually we need everything fast and disposable. We would only concentrate on our financial strength to win and buy even a souse loyalty dedication care even love. We are not even interested in having a permanent father brother sister or even a mother on our side. Then why would prefer an employee with permanent long lasting relationship. 

But the thing is that we always complain for the mistrust, uncertainty and lack of loyalty and always want others to be perfect in every way for us. Always ready to help, caring and devoted and when they are not we never understand the real reason behind that.
Whatever we do, whatever relationship we need to have no matter what purpose we have in our lives if you don’t do it with all our heart with complete submission of our all our emotions and feelings we never get the desired results.

Half-hearted efforts have half the results. Incomplete unsatisfying achievements become the root cause of our frustrations and we still don’t believe why after all those spending and services rendered without putting a heart into them have no good results.

The secret behind all that is not in becoming someone, its actually being someone. All our lives we actually pretend to become someone. We do not like to be an actual father, mother even a brother, sister or even a souse. This goes the same way when we struggle to become a professional. We become a doctor scientist or an engineer but actually we never try to be one. 

Those who actually are the doctors scientist engineer or any other specialist or professional, become those few names that we can count on our fingertips and the world knows them. Realizing that we are not what we are trying to prove we don’t even repent. We keep on insisting that what’s wrong is actually right. We try to mould and twist facts in our favour and do our best to prove that what we are is actually what a true father, mother, and bother sister even a spouse should be like.  We not even pretend we perform a role an act in front of people. But when we are in private or alone or unaware that we are being noticed, the actual self-image leaks out revealing our ugly self-cause we can never hide those personality indicators. We underestimate others and think we are the clever one only and we can always fool everyone around.

The only answer to all these miseries agonies and troubles is in those simple ways of being yourself, try to be yourself only, not anyone else, be comfortable with yourself and let the outside world shape a different you,  a better you, sooner or later a better you will emerge. Not letting it happen won’t work it will keep on shaping you anyway, the harder you cling to what you are not, the harder deformation will 

To be great is to be misunderstood

''To be great is to be misunderstood''

― Ralph Waldo Emerson,  says in Self-Reliance, one of his greatest essays

Sometimes people living too close to you are unable to see your talents and greatness. This is like being too close to a great sculpture makes you unable to see every detail of that masterpiece. Great people are mostly recognised by the people at a distance, able to see those great things in detail. Many of the great men in the world have experienced that. There are a very few of them being understood and recognised by their life partners and family members before the outside world recognized and accepted them. It takes a talent too bright to be ignored or missed by the people nearby.

The individual, Emerson says, must be self-reliant and self-sufficient: "To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men,–that is genius . . . imitation is suicide . . . Accept the place the divine providence has found for you.

 . . ." A true man is a self-trusting nonconformist, for "Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind." Emerson rejects traditional morality: "the only right is what is after my constitution; the only wrong what is against it . . . I shun father and mother and wife and brother when my genius calls me . . . 

The great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude." Conformity makes us false, but "For non-conformity the world whips you with its displeasure.

" The other enemy of self-trust "is our own consistency; a reverence for our past act or word. . . ." Self-contradiction is unimportant, for we must "bring the past for judgment into the thousand-eyed present, and live ever in a new day." The great man must realize that people will resent his preference of truth over consistency:

. . . Speak what you think now in hard words and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict everything you said today.–"Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood."–Is it so bad then to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernious, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.

Making someone feel good

Have you ever been able to make someone feel good? Just because you want a smile a sense of tranquillity and serenity on their faces. Giving them hope, enthusiasm and trust, instead of making him feel bad, week, incapable or incompetent? Just for the sake of getting ahead in the race, winning and gaining you push someone aside or behind with those invisible, subliminal disguised indirect attacks and you still think world will never know?

Did you ever have the pleasure of making someone feel good about life for nothing in return, just for the sake of goodness, prayers and blessings? I don’t mean for the time being only I mean it as a continuous process making it your habit your nature as an optimist.

This is what the world is missing. This is what’s rapidly disappearing from humanity.  For a while, If we just put aside that meanness, materialism, brutality and injustice aside. The inhuman behaviour and that cold attitude just for sake of looking cool, is what is spread all over the society.

We don’t even care even if we notice someone feels bad, someone feels emotionally torn, unable to do something for himself, for his family or nation, just because he feels insecure and emotionally unstable and fallen sick.

We don’t care about the likes of a person and keep on imposing and forcing our own likes even if we have to twist and mould them to look like something else.

But the worst thing we do not care about and we even reject, is what actually someone dislikes. We look down at them as creatures who don’t have a heart that cannot stand someone cheating, playing dirty tricks, and making a fool out of them by self-assumingly thinking to be more clever and smarter. We bully them always looking for something that we can object upon. Finding faults all the time instead of finding great things, habits and abilities and encouraging, praising and helping them to realize what so special about them, in them.

Making someone feel good is caring with feeling of compassion. Believing in mankind and goodness. Having the empathetic view about this world, being expectant about positivity that always wins.  Having firm faith in The Creator and His creations that were created for godnees and a greater brighter cause. 

This is so sensitively important and delicate to realize how positive, promising hopeful words and attitude towards people, starting from your critical relation, is the most essential requirement that even the plants and the trees get seriously ill with that bitter and attitude and atmosphere.

Accordingto some reports in the Solomon Islands of the pacific the islanders practice aspecial form of curse magic. If a tree needs to be cut down and it is too bigto be chopped down, it is brought down by the combined efforts of the Islanders cursing negatively and yelling at the tree. This negative energy somehow damages the tree’s life energy the result being after about 30 days of getting cursed the tree dies off and falls to the ground! 

The highest form of love

The highest form of love is worship and The Highest Form of Worship is Obedience. Obedience means, complete 100% submission and you can never get into complete submission without respect, which is the very first step towards love.

We are not here in this world with our own choice, we were sent here. Without purpose you think? The creator sent you without a reason?

Jiddu Krishnamurt, was an Indian philosopher, speaker and writer. In his early life he was groomed to be the new World Teacher but later rejected this mantle and withdrew from the Theosophy organization behind it.

The core of Krishnamurti's teaching is contained in the statement he made in 1929 when he said, 'Truth is a pathless land'. Man cannot come to it through any organisation, through any creed, through any dogma, priest or ritual, not through any philosophical knowledge or psychological technique. He has to find it through the mirror of relationship, through the understanding of the contents of his own mind, through observation and not through intellectual analysis or introspective dissection.'

Answering the question ‘What do you mean by love? He said:
We are going to discover by understanding what love is not, because, as love is the unknown, we must come to it by discarding the known. The unknown cannot be discovered by a mind that is full of the known. What we are going to do is to find out the values of the known, look at the known, and when that is looked at purely, without condemnation, the mind becomes free from the known; then we shall know what love is. So, we must approach love negatively, not positively.

What is love with most of us? When we say we love somebody, what do we mean? We mean we possess that person. From that possession arises jealousy, because if I lose him or her what happens? I feel empty, lost; therefore I legalize possession; I hold him or her. From holding, possessing that person, there is jealousy, there is fear and all the innumerable conflicts that arise from possession. Surely such possession is not love, is it?

Obviously love is not sentiment. To be sentimental, to be emotional, is not love, because sentimentality and emotion are mere sensations. A religious person who weeps about Jesus or Krishna, about his guru or somebody else, is merely sentimental, emotional. He is indulging in sensation, which is a process of thought, and thought is not love. Thought is the result of sensation, so the person who is sentimental, who is emotional, cannot possibly know love.

Again, aren't we emotional and sentimental? Sentimentality, emotionalism, is merely a form of self-expansion. To be full of emotion is obviously not love, because a sentimental person can be cruel when his sentiments are not responded to, when his feelings have no outlet. An emotional person can be stirred to hatred, to war, to butchery. A man who is sentimental, full of tears for his religion, surely has no love.
Is forgiveness love? What is implied in forgiveness? You insult me and I resent it, remember it; then, either through compulsion or through repentance, I say, "I forgive you". First I retain and then I reject. Which means what? I am still the central figure. I am still important, it is I who am forgiving somebody. As long as there is the attitude of forgiving it is I who am important, not the man who is supposed to have insulted me.
So when I accumulate resentment and then deny that resentment, which you call forgiveness, it is not love. A man who loves obviously has no enmity and to all these things he is indifferent. Sympathy, forgiveness, and the relationship of possessiveness, jealousy and fear - all these things are not love. They are all of the mind, are they not? As long as the mind is the arbiter, there is no love, for the mind arbitrates only through possessiveness and its arbitration is merely possessiveness in different forms. The mind can only corrupt love, it cannot give birth to love, it cannot give beauty. You can write a poem about love, but that is not love.

Obviously there is no love when there is no real respect, when you don't respect another, whether he is your servant or your friend. Have you not noticed that you are not respectful, kindly, generous, to your servants, to people who are so-called `below' you? You have respect for those above, for your boss, for the millionaire, for the man with a large house and a title, for the man who can give you a better position, a better job, from whom you can get something. But you kick those below you, you have a special language for them.

Therefore where there is no respect, there is no love; where there is no mercy, no pity, no forgiveness, there is no love. And as most of us are in this state we have no love. We are neither respectful nor merciful nor generous. We are possessive, full of sentiment and emotion which can be turned either way: to kill, to butcher or to unify over some foolish, ignorant intention.

So how can there be love? You can know love only when all these things have stopped, come to an end, only when you don't possess, when you are not merely emotional with devotion to an object. Such devotion is a supplication, seeking something in a different form. A man who prays does not know love. Since you are possessive, since you seek an end, a result, through devotion, through prayer, which make you sentimental, emotional, naturally there is no love; obviously there is no love when there is no respect.

You may say that you have respect but your respect is for the superior, it is merely the respect that comes from wanting something, the respect of fear. If you really felt respect, you would be respectful to the lowest as well as to the so-called highest; since you haven't that, there is no love. How few of us are generous, forgiving, and merciful! You are generous when it pays you, you are merciful when you can see something in return.

When these things disappear, when these things don't occupy your mind and when the things of the mind don't fill your heart, then there is love; and love alone can transform the present madness and insanity in the world - not systems, not theories, either of the left or of the right. You really love only when you do not possess, when you are not envious, not greedy, when you are respectful, when you have mercy and compassion, when you have consideration for your wife, your children, your neighbour, and your unfortunate servants.

Love cannot be thought about, love cannot be cultivated, and love cannot be practiced. The practice of love, the practice of brotherhood, is still within the field of the mind, therefore it is not love. When all this has stopped, then love comes into being, then you will know what it is to love. Then love is not quantitative but qualitative. You do not say, "I love the whole world" but when you know how to love one, you know how to love the whole. Because we do not know how to love one, our love of humanity is fictitious. When you love, there is neither one nor many: there is only love. It is only when there is love that all our problems can be solved and then we shall know its bliss and its happiness."

With this wonderful explanation of love by Jiddu , there is one thing that needs to be explained about love. When we want all the goodness all the well-being for someone on any cost and stop loving ourselves, only then we are truly in love with someone.

And when we feel the same way for all mankind, we want all the goodness and wellbeing for all mankind that’s real love which is called divine love.  The highest form of love that Jesus, Mosses and Muhammad PBUH had.

There is nothing good or bad, right or wrong in this world

An interesting post on social media this morning triggered a thought about the difference between a fighter jet pilot and a Commercial flight pilot, it said:

‘‘An Airbus 380 is on its way across Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800km/h in 30,000 ft. when suddenly a Eurofighter jet appears. The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: ‘Airbus flight, a boring flight isn't it? Take care and have a look here’ He rolls his jet on his back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to height, only to stoop down almost to sea level. He loops back next to Airbus and ask ‘Well, how was that?’ The Airbus pilot answers: ‘Very impressive, but now have a look here!’ The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly stubbornly straight, at the same speed. After 5 minutes, the Airbus pilot radioed ‘Well, what are you saying now?’ The jet pilot asks confused: ‘What did you do?’ The other laughs and says, ‘I got up, stretched by legs, went to back of the flight to bathroom, got a cup of coffee & a cinnamon cake. All jobs are great! One needs to see which job resonates with you. If you are high on adrenaline, fighter jet might be your choice, but if you want comfort and peace, Airbus is the one!’’

I wonder why we assume that a Fighter Jet Pilot is so dumb about the auto pilot facility or the difference between a jet airplane and a commercial flight. I don’t think this a case of a job that resonates with you or a choice for a career. 

It is a case of introducing yourself to a better or higher taste as you get wiser and mature. I think there is nothing good or bad, right or wrong in this world, only our thinking makes it so. The higher thoughts we have the wiser we get. We understand the secrets of tastes of those things that look boring at younger less mature age. It goes with the taste of music, art and even the taste of your dresses and the way you like to travel.

No wonder everyone has a different scenario, perks and benefits as well as importance of the job. But there is a big difference between doing it voluntarily and doing it for money. There is also a difference between the two persons in the same profession, from different areas of service getting together on a certain platform, where contributions, services and support is required, voluntarily for a noble cause and if at that platform where a selfless volunteer is needed. A man working only for money cannot understand what it means working for the people and working for a cause is. Sometimes, age is not the reason for maturity and higher tastes. As most of the people just grow old instead of growing up.

It is said that if you need to be highly successful, take up a cause, write a book or fall in love. It is all creativity. A Cause that requires leadership skills, to understand real growth. It is when everyone grows with you, all together, not only you. Leadership requires creativity and unfortunately, for most people, creativity gets killed very early at school their level.

Creativity survives in those people only, with a strong leadership background and support. But for the rest of them, all that is left are the distorted, deformed or I would say unwise, immature concepts about social values and soft skills.  They understand only what was being taught to them subliminally at their schools, colleges and universities. Making them get below the line of real understanding, wisdom and maturity. Training them to be great servants, followers and slaves that requires inferior tastes of the delicacies and value of life. Making them go after small immature priorities of life. Well trained with these meanings of values:

Discipline means wearing a uniform, getting ready in time for the drill and reaching right on time for the lessons and leaving right on the dot for the next lesson in cue making no noise or gestures.

While discipline actually means, being well prepared, organized and ready for the quest to achieve your goals in life. Gaining the right knowledge and insight for setting up directions according to ways of those successful ones ahead of you. You don’t need to put all your attention for being right on the dot in a clean well pressed uniform following orders in cue for that. That way you forget you goals and become an obedient servant and a follower only when your ambitions, enthusiasm and questions are ignored and crushed.
Freedom means you are a free man to do whatever you like and no one has a right to stop you. When actually it means your right to do the right thing. 

Respect means only self-respect. You can call anyone with any name and disrespect them in the name of your right free freedom of speech or may be straight forwardness. 
Earning means earning money only. Not earning prayers of others for you. 

Love means, getting love, respect tolerance, care and attention from others no matter how and what it takes. Not earning it, never trying to give it first selflessly, because you are told from early stage that you are special, take care of yourself only and stay away from strangers. Be very careful about trusting other specially the ones around you related to you or close to your trying to get closer.

But you can always trust a shopkeeper, a bus driver or a pilot to take you to your required destination. Even if you don’t know him there is no need to check his eyesight, licence or a permit.

Never feel ashamed and always avoid those, trying to point out your shortcomings, flaws and your faults. They are just taunting you. Stay away from criticism but always call it a healthy thing for others. Stay away from tough questions and tough life. Always find comforts, safe heavens and luxuries for yourself in the name of progress, development and protection. 

But I don’t call it wrong or bad at all. I call it lack of wisdom and maturity. Just the way when a child does something wrong or bad you call it lack of understanding and knowledge and you just ignore that and advise other people with lesser understanding to take it easy and say ‘ Take it easy, it is only a matter of time when he understands what actually good and what’s not.’

I think people get the understanding of wisdom and maturity when they go through several experiences in life about something. There is no shortcut to experience yes but there is a better way that requires development of taste of associating with the people ahead in life. Observing, absorbing the way they live. Following exactly the way they do it, duplicating copying those ways just the way we learn a recipe from a chef. We do sometimes improvise it according to our taste and flare but we do not replace everything, just to enhance its flavor.

We need to think deeper why, we only replicate a chef for a recipe? Why don’t we copy and replicate wiser, mutterer and highly successful people, when we know that learning from our own mistakes is good, but it is better to learn from other people mistakes and it is best to learn from the success of the great people? 

Did they made a monster out of you, because you said NO to their drama? Then you are victim of 'Gaslighting'

Have you heard the term Gaslighting?  A deeply disturbing emotional abuse that tears a family apart.

It is a form of a psychological abuse involving of manipulation of situations of events that cause a person to be confused or to doubt his perceptions or memories. Gaslighiting causes victims to to constantly second- guess themselves and wonder if they are loosing their minds or they are wrong about everything. 

Gaslighting is an undercover form of Emotional Abuse.  Well, let's use an example to explain to  what it is.

You’ve probably found yourself in a situation where someone assures you that you said something. Yet, you don’t remember having said it.


You dig through your memory and reach the conclusion that you definitely did not say it. You’re convinced that you’re right about this.

However, this person affirms that you said it. And he does it with so much confidence that you end up giving in. You end up thinking that maybe you did say it, even if you don’t remember doing so. You may have become another victim of gaslighting. When a toxic persons like that can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you.

Gaslighting is defined as repetitive manipulation one person exerts upon another person. Its primary objective is to undermine the confidence of the victim, so this person perceives reality in a distorted way. Failing that or being unable to do that they make a monster out you in front of others.


This is not new this phenomenon was first detected in the 1960’s and it  is frequently happens in workplaces and family. Gaslighting is a deliberate way of lying, aiming to confuse the victim or destroy others trust over him, in order to get something out of it. It’s a form of psychological abuse, but very subtle. Violence rarely comes into play when it comes to gaslighting, though there is usually some degree of intimidation involved.

Therefore, it’s difficult to detect. Additionally, the manipulator is usually someone “worthy of trust”, kind and someone you are close to. 

So, when toxic person or sometimes people around you, like that, can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will feel unfair, but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth just like you did.

If they made a monster out of you because you walked away from their drama, so be it. Let them deal with what they have created. Be at peace with yourself, and stay out of conflict. You are allowed to terminate your relationships with TOXIC family members. You are allowed to walk away form people who hurt you. You are allowed to be angry, selfish and unforgiving. You don't owe an explanation to anyone for being selfish.

You may make the mistake of thinking it’s funny. Or that you would never fall into such a ridiculous form of manipulation. 

However, most people ignore the fact that this situation does happen in relationships. In fact, in a joint family relationships, complex mechanisms of projection and introjection take place.

As a general rule, victims of gaslighting are usually distrustful people who finally find someone seemingly trustworthy.

On the other hand, the manipulator is a person is insecure, but obsessed with exerting control over others. They pretend to be kind and say they’re only looking out for the other person’s well-being.


But this is just a facade. The victim comes to idealize this person. Thus, the perfect scenario for gaslighting is created. When this form of emotional manipulation is sustained for long periods of time, it has profoundly negative consequences for the victim.

The most worrisome of these consequences, without a doubt, is the victim’s submission to the “reality” imposed by the manipulator.

Gaslighting follows a pattern, classified into three stages. In the first stage, the victim presents argumentative resistance and rejects the affirmations of the manipulators. Meanwhile, the abusers try to convince the victim how they should think and feel.

In fact, in some cases they may argue for hours and hours. And then nothing concrete comes from these discussions, besides exhaustion.

In the second stage, the victim tries to keep an open mind so they can better understand the other’s point of view. However, since there is no reciprocity, the victim begins to doubt their beliefs and if not the manipulators try to reach other people unaware of the actual circumstances and aims of the manipulators. Because thees outsiders are easy to convince and become their victims too.


The third stage is based on confusion, where the victim’s frame of reference breaks down. They now believe that what their manipulator claims is true, normal and, therefore, real. 

There are some personality traits that predispose some individuals to become potential victims of gaslighting.


A lack of affection is one of them. The potential victim sees the manipulator as a savior and idealizes them because of this. This reaction is based on the fact that the victim interprets the manipulator’s actions as a true sign of affection. Even the arguments from the first stage make the victim feel like the manipulator is paying attention to them.

A person who needs to be right all the time has a higher chance of being a victim of this type of abuse. This situation happens when subjective things are discussed. The future victim’s arguments crumble as a result of wear and tear.

Finally, the need to be approved by others plays a decisive role. In this case, everything is served on a silver platter for the manipulator, who will not waste any time and immediately take advantage of this weakness.

To avoid falling into this type of toxic relationship, keep these things in mind. The first is that you must be alert to anything that makes you question your own beliefs and rattles your self-confidence.

Do not engage in pointless discussions. That includes exchanging subjective points of view which will lead you nowhere.


And finally, try to build up your worldview with solid arguments, to the point that they become convictions. Additionally, do not allow others to question your way of thinking or feeling. Don’t forget this is the ideal breeding ground for those who would try to manipulate you.

Miser society

This is Mehreen Syed , A fashion model and CEO/Chairperson International Fashion Academy Pakistan/ICARE.  And after she slipped on the ramp she posted this video and said,

  ''keeping that in mind, I want to share this moment when I slipped and how wonderful it was for me to see and feel the level of support, love and encouragement given to me by the audience. It was so touching and heartwarming for me. ''

We all slip, but not everyone of us gets this type of support and encouragements Mehreen Syed received after she slipped. That is may be because you have to be at the same level of achievements like her. But the challenge is to get up even when you don't get that kind of support that we don't usually receive even when we are struggling towards our goals.

Sometimes it is even worse. We get negative remarks, people make fun of us. Sometimes we are so discouraged that we quit and instead we start a fight and loose our energies to move on. Specially when we fall or slip its really hard to get back up and move on.

You might say, ' That's the Challenge' . Yes it is but for a moment can we look into that single positive example of what Mehreen shared. Can we really start caring? Can we stop being toxic? Can we just once stop being miser in encouragement, support and appreciation?

Can we stop looking for only those bad, negative and wrong things and turn towards the goodness the beauty still there around us?

One of our great scholars Ashfaq Ahmed Sahib said that when he was a student he learnt about the house fly eye that its each eye contains 4000 lenses that enable visualization of different pictures at the same time. He was so excited to learn that and he went to his old uncle, elder brother of his father, living in his native village. He knew that a simple illiterate guy like his uncle would be amazed to know about that fact. But when his uncle heard that fact about the house fly he said' shame on that creature with so many lenses in its eyes. Because it still finds only the dirty and filthy places to sit.

Why do we prefer being a house fly? Why don't we think about those wonderful honeybees who always prefer sitting on beautiful flowers and then making honey for us?

When will we start saying no to all these haters? Toxic and negative thoughts imposers that are payed to make us an in secure frustrated negative thinking society to become good customers?

Because when you are in secure, you are a good buyer. You are always afraid that the supplies would end in the market and you keep filling your houses with those supplies and you keep buying things. You are always afraid to take risks, face your fears and lead. You become slaves, workers not the creative leaders that build the society and prefer being their own bosses. Please just once think out the of box   and try to get some vision, not just the sight. 

Personality indicators

The most terrible impact today's media has on our youth, is making them trust nothing. This is what happens in their house as well, where media effected people keep telling them not to trust anyone. Stranger is danger. Its a mean world out there.

They are discouraged demoralized to have believe and  have confidence,  to take risk, and  they are pushed towards the safe zone where they don't dare to become leaders. Because leaders take risks, use courage, and they face their fears and help out others, to become leaders.

We have become a sheep nation. Following each other in a long queue towards becoming factory workers, slaves, needing a guaranteed  return of our labor every month and we want that fast. We are always looking for shortcuts to become a millionaire overnight. Children learn that from us, our youth is horrified insecure and frustrated form the contrast the see in their seniors in what they say and what their actions are.

It is never too difficult actually to know about the real personality, behind the mask of a person pretending to be someone he or she is not.. We just need to spend some time with him or her and those personality indicators tell us the real story. No one can hide the contrast in what he says and what he does for long. How long can someone pretend to be honest all the times? How long can someone pretend to be good, up right and a strong person all the time? When actually not. One, two or three days ? A week?

But one day that time will come when people are going to whiteness that you don't really believe in honesty, commitment, dedication, loyalty, truthfulness, when they see you in a contrast action of what you preach to them.

Sooner or later, they realize in their hearts mostly, that you are not what you talk about. Because more or less, they are the same. But you keep on pretending,  that you are what you exhibit to the world. You think you always outwit people around you? And actually, they just don't have the will, or courage to tell you the truth about you. And you think they don't know the real you. This is the most dangerous assumption.

But in your heart and in their hearts, they know you don't really believe in those morals and those soft skills you always talk about. You actually believe in policy, is the best honesty.

But no one knows, that its an in built personality trait that you are bound to rely, trust and believe to survive. You need to believe and have faith, in something or someone, without which you can't spend a single day of your life. You need to trust the bus driver every day,  to reach your office, school, or any other place, otherwise you wont make it. You have to trust the traffic lights, the government, and the police to do a lots of other things in life. Relying or trusting is inbuilt, you cant escape form being a relying, trusting believing soul.


But when it comes to faith you try to run away. Pretend or hide. Just because, it asks you to be answerable and responsible. Not even realizing that, you can not hide your personality indicators about what you actually believe in. You cant hide being a hypocrite for long. No matter what label of faith you are wearing, Muslim, Christian, Buddhist or Jew. Your real faith is always visible  in your personality indicators. Even being an atheist, you still have a faith.

And you know what the irony is? The creator says he is going to judge you on your own religion. Because religion(  دین   ) means the way of life in Arabic, nothing else. It  means no label that you wear or exhibit.

Things that you start believing, trusting and than gradually make your faith, makes it your religion and that is your way of life. Not the labels you are wearing.

W.E.B Dubois said, Children learn more from what you are, than what you teach them. I would say People know you more form what you are, than what you tell them about yourself.

We are always keen to teach our children. But we never realize that, leaning is a lot more difficult, than teaching and we make it even more difficult, with the contrast between our actions and teachings. We confuse them, frustrate them and stress them, with that contrast. Their ideals are distorted and finally destroyed, they have no one to trust to follow the real path, and they first thing or person they see, they run away. Because relying is in built, they need to rely on something and if it is wrong, or dangerous, they become a victim of that actual mean world you have been teaching them to stay away from. Charity becomes at home and spreading frustration, insecurity stress and mistrust also begins at home. It does not mean that of you were born earlier than others, its going to make you an elder and earns you respect and dignity. It demands ability to sustain pressures and keep younger ones away form those pressures. Teach them how to survive with those pressures, tragedies and mishaps by setting an example not just preaching them about it form a book or making them listen and watch lectures.

Children grades drop due to wrong learning, but why don't we cut  grades of those bad elders and  and those bad teachers, who keep  on grading our children on their bad and wrong teachings? Because there is no bad student only a bad teacher.

These bad seniors, elders and teachers create disbelieving, mistrusting scared insecure souls with their toxic negative behavior full of pessimism.. Finally, these poor young souls loose hope and either pick up a gun or they become suicidal.

And we just keep pretending we are worried and hold seminars, researches and media campaigns to find out reasons for those hostile or suicidal tendencies. But how serious we are about this issue? I am sure not that much serious. At least not as  much as we are  serious about the environmental and global warming issue, are we?

Time Banking

Timebanking is a kind of money. Give one hour of service to another, and receive one time credit.

For one person to earn a time credit, however, someone else has to agree to give it. Timebanking happens when a network or circle of members have agreed that they will give and receive credits for services that other members provide. Those networks are called “timebanks.”

That’s almost it.

To be successful, timebanks need leadership – or perhaps the better word is “governance.” They need agreements around what’s OK and what’s not OK in relation to earning and spending. To guide those, one additional and most important aspect of timebanking is the core values.

Edgar Cahn is the founder of modern timebanking. He noticed that successful timebanks almost always work with some specific core values in place. In his book No More Throw-Away People, he listed four values.  Later, he added a fifth. These have come to be widely shared as the five core values of timebanking – and most timebanks strive to follow them. They are a strong starting point for successful timebanking.

Asset Every one of us has something of value to share with someone else.

Redefining Work There are some forms of work that money will not easily pay for, like building strong families, revitalizing neighborhoods, making democracy work, advancing social justice. Time credits were designed to reward, recognize and honor that work.

Reciprocity Helping that works as a two-way street empowers everyone involved – the receiver as well as the giver. The question: “How can I help you?” needs to change so we ask: “Will you help someone too?”  Paying it forward ensures that, together, we help each other build the world we all will live in.

Social Networks Helping each other, we reweave communities of support, strength & trust. Community is built by sinking roots, building trust, creating networks. By using timebanking, we can strengthen and support these activities.

Respect Respect underlies freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and everything we value. Respect supplies the heart and soul of democracy. We strive to respect where people are in the moment, not where we hope they will be at some future point.

Timebanking was designed by Edgar Cahn to encourage the kinds of giving and receiving that will help to build and support families, neighborhoods and communities – what economist Neva Goodwin calls the “core economy.”

Edgar believed that Timebanking could also play a powerful role in achieving a more equal society. That’s because the “golden rule” of timebanking is this: All hours are equal, regardless of the nature of the act. An hour of baby-sitting earns one time credit. An hour of legal help earns one time credit.  An hour of kitchen clean-up earns one time credit.

Timebanks may use paper notes for their time credits.

Many timebanks use on-line timebanking software. The software makes it possible to keep track of who are the timebank members, what are the services they offer or seek, and what services they have actually given or received.

This time banking concept is being used in various western countries to cope with the crisis of elderly people being sent to old people homes as they become useless and burden for their families and government has to arrange and mange their expenses and needs.

In Switzerland, “Time Bank” was an old-age pension program developed by the Swiss Federal Ministry of Social Security. People get time credit for the the time to take care of the elderly when they were young, and waited until they were old, ill or needed care. Their service hours will be deposited into the personal accounts of the social security system.

It looks like a very nice idea to create a strong community that helps each other. But why do we need to work for our society with some kind of pay back or incentive? Why do we need be payed back for care, selflessness, dedication, loyalty, commitment and love? Can we earn back these values through a bank? I dont think so.

Why these values cant be delivered, without expecting a return?  Do we think about having a return of favor form our children while taking care of them them from the day one till the time they grow up enough to take care of themselves?  Do we bring a soul into this world for our own worldly gains and want our time and value given deposited or credited into a time bank for our future use?

If we expect our young ones to return that love care loyalty dedication commitment to us the same way we gave them, then I guess we deserve to be sent to old people homes.

Because if we are dumb enough to understand that these pure values  grow into to others  by themselves when we give them.  When you are loyal to your family, selfless to your family, dedicated to your community and neighbors and committed to the society there is no way you don't get it back from them. Not necessarily the exact same way but you always get it back . But there is only one condition, your intentions must be pure and selfless and you are ding that as a sacrifice.

You dont need a bank to take care of that for you to get those values back to you when you need them.

What do you think all those heroes were expecting form us ? Those great people like Mother Tressa, or Adbul Sattar Edhi would have wanted a time bank? Can we return those great services to them anyway?

When are we going to stop thinking like a banker or an economist? playing with greed and needs of people now playing with emotions and values as well.  Always up for a competition and a return. How a man can be so sure that he is going to live that long to invest time effort and values into a bank expecting a return in his old age?

13 awesome characteristics of highly sensitive people.

This is one of my most praised and liked articles on LinkedIn that I would like to share again here. Because I have always loved it.

Do you feel like you process situations more intensely than the average person?

According to the late Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961), a highly sensitive person (HSP) is a person having the innate trait of high sensitivity. The term ‘highly sensitive person’ was coined by Elaine N. Aron PhD in 1996. And, according to Aron, these individuals represent about a fifth of the population — to which, she concludes, such people process sensory data much more deeply and thoroughly due to  biological difference in their nervous systems. (Much more to be explored in her book The Highly Sensitive Person: How To Thrive When The World Overwhelms You.) 

Throughout my life, I’ve often found myself feeling confused, even guilty for feeling too intently, too intimately, too sensitively. Because of my over-feeling attributes, I’ve often resorted to behaviors that diluted my innate, sensitive superpower…I’d cowar, become shy, inhibited and/or extremely introverted — and I’d feel bad about who I was. I didn’t understand how to use this characteristic of my being so instead I’d also stress out for feeling overwhelmed by stuff that seemed easily manageable by other people…why couldn’t I just be more easy going?!

What was wrong with me? Well, nothing.

I’ve also always been hyper sensitive to vibrational energy, speed, heights, sounds, mass units of anything, smells and touch. I can’t count how many times going to concerts, workshops, gatherings, etc, has made me feel…insane. I’d still participate, but the vibrational energy would make me feel overly caffeinated, wired — and mostly freaked out, although I wasn’t afraid. Instead of trying to relax and embrace my emotional and physical states in these environments, I’d often just sit contorted in constriction and not relax until I was home.

For these reasons, I’ve always considered myself a shy extrovert. I’ve always found it easy to connect with people, but often when the connection would open to allow our experience to go deeper, it would feel like a blast to my core. I’d feel it in every molecule of myself and I’d typically withdraw so as to not make the other person or persons feel uncomfortable. This would often trigger a blush or a disconnect of eye contact. Many have told me that they found this behavior endearing, but not me. I thought I’d blush because I was insecure or weird even though I didn’t feel insecure (or necessarily weird — in negative way).

I realized much later that I just felt most things very intimately.

And violence is a no-go for me. I simply cannot unnecessarily expose myself to it in any of its forms — movies, television, newspapers, factory farms, war — you name it. When I am visualizing or listening to it, I can feel it penetrating every aspect of my being — and it has never, ever felt right or healthy.


It wasn’t until recent years that have I stopped negatively questioning my power, my presence and my energy for being so sensitive, and in that process I have discovered some of the awesomeness of being a highly sensitive person. I am still in this discovery process.

Here is a list of some of the awesomeness I have found thus far:

1. Intuitive — highly sensitive people tend to be aware of what is happening below the surface, in between the lines and without an articulated reasoning.

2. An ability to read the vibe — when entering a room, a conversation, a situation or when coming into contact with another person or group of people. Perhaps you can feel what type of mood or conversation was taking place just before you arrived, even if the people who were there are no longer present.

3. Picking up on the subtle — perhaps you’re able to respond to someone’s needs or questions before they even ask. Perhaps you can even tell when someone is lying to you o hiding something.

4. Empathy for what others are feeling — and this goes beyond just the cordial sentiments, but getting as close to being able to walk a mile in a person’s shoes without ever putting their boots on.

5. Experiencing the extraordinary — perhaps you’re able to experience, feel and see what is beyond the ordinary…a sound, a sense, a color not yet coined — dare I say magic?

6. Mental telepathy — this one is interesting and I’m still working this out, but it seems that highly sensitive people may have the ability to sense when someone is going to call them, send them a text message, stop over for a visit, or can even pick up on personal messages offered from others while engaging in other conversations.

7. Storytelling — because of your highly sensitive nature, perhaps you are able to elegantly and graciously use descriptive words to narrate and create the most divine of stories — played, written, painted or through movement.

8. Going solo with confidence — you’re able to be alone without feeling lonely. Sometimes your own company is all you need and want and that’s okay and sometimes even preferred.

9. Above average mindfulness — you’re able to move to the other side of the sidewalk so someone can pass. You’re more than willing to make room for a group of people coming onto the bus or you find yourself making eye contact with a by-passer…all in the name of making it easier for everyone — them and you. Often this trait is default and isn’t something you need to ‘activate’.

10. Easy to cry — showing our emotions in the form of crying can come easier for us sensitive souls, but it’s also a healthy release of constrictive emotions and thought-patterns — a cleansing of our windows to the soul and our lenses out into the world.

11. Work excellent in a team setting — due to our ability to pick-up on how people are feeling, we’re able to respond to the team’s needs to help them work in the most optimal way.

12. Hard working — you tend to be a deep thinker and perhaps a little bit of a perfectionist. Highly sensitive people tend to put everything and a little more into tasks at hands especially projects that others will witness and be involved in.

 13. Easily moved by artistic expression — and if there’s anything that keeps the world’s artists inspired and creativity in full rebellion is having those who are moved by it — and show it.

Recognizing myself as a highly sensitive person as helped me to see it in others. These others, by and large, have been the most profound teachers, artists, healers, dreamers and souls I have ever come across.

[VIA TANYA LEE MARKUL]