Policy is the best honesty

Nowadays people believe that they should adopt a policy instead of being honest.

It is said that honesty is important but only in a particular situation, not always. 

You need to act strategically to handle every situation because, what would happen if your honesty makes your situation too complicated, think of yourself man! You have to deal with your own needs and problems no one else is going to help you. 

Everyone is facing their own problems and in fact wars are won with a strategy and a policy right? 

People also think that honesty should be accepted as a lifestyle but they also talk about the corrupted society and blame people for being silent against it and say ‘’if honesty really is good then why doesn’t it change the society?’’

Some say that honesty is important in our life, but sometimes honesty makes a fool out of us and one should always decide when to be honest or use a different policy to save themselves first. Think of yourself and your interests first.

There is always a wiser bunch that says, “Sometimes we need to choose a different path, always being honest hurts us and others as well. Staying honest all the time doesn't help. At times you have to go off track because people exploit honest people and they end up in deep trouble. Being ‘too honest’ is not good, or being a good person does not help”

This wiser bunch also have stronger reasoning that says: 

‘’We don’t need knives or guns to mortally wound those closest to us. Words cut like knives and it’s easy to bury your relationship with the verbal cuts of a “truthful” tongue. ‘Truth is honesty’ is often a veiled form of self-indulgence. When feelings build up, it’s frustrating to ‘sit’ on them. And, of course, it feels damn good to release them. That feel good sensation is a form of gratification. It’s like taking an emotional poop, which provides an instant release of pressure. But when we dump emotional turds on others, we are flushing our relationships down the toilet.’’ 

Who says being harsh, bitter and cold means being honest and true? Truth that destroys a home and also rescinds a personality isn’t a truth and certainly, it is not being honest. But there are always better and polite ways to stay honest and truthful as well. Politeness is an oil that lubricates the wheels of society and politeness does not always means being tricky or a cheat. 

Today’s concepts of being honest, truthful and being polite, sweet and right are very confusing and are distorted. 

It’s a sad fact that our education at home and in school doesn’t include teaching us how to manage our emotions and feelings. Since all relationships trigger negative feelings, this means most of us are mistreating the people we love most by lashing out and even verbally killing those we supposedly love in various overt and symbolic ways and it does not mean at all they are being honest and true to each other or being honest and true hurts.

We are educating ourselves out of the true meanings of honesty, truthfulness, politeness and kindness.  And that has been happening since the last 3oo years when the so called educational revolution started with the beginning of the industrial age.

It’s time to unlearn and re-educate ourselves getting back towards the true essence of life.  Einstein said “the world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it…’’ and stay silent or build a policy around it.

There are always better ways to react and respond. Better, politer sweeter even funnier ways to express genuine emotions and feelings. Funnier ways are considered to be the most difficult ones and you need to be extremely witty for that. This is why a lot of people pretend to dislike jokes and comedy. 

Imagine someone invites you to do that activity. How do you respond?

If you say, “I hate that,” or “I don’t like that,” you may come across as too harsh and direct.

If someone invites you on a camping trip (but you dislike these trips), you might respond with: 

''I don’t like going out, I hate that.

Or 

“I think I’ll pass. I’m not really into outdoor activities.”

If some co-workers want to go to a new seafood restaurant for lunch (but you think seafood is gross), you could say: ‘’ I hate the idea, who eats seafood?’’ Or you can say “I’m actually not a big seafood fan. Any chance you want to go to a steakhouse instead?”

But there is a sick kind of satisfaction that most people derive when they dump their anger on somebody else, especially a loved one who has really hurt and angered them.

You need to re-evaluate the things that were actually lost. Do you still want them? Is it still attainable? Things might not seem to be a greater loss than your ego or self-respect that you might think you lost during a harsh exchange of words with someone.

If outright dumping and subtle paybacks aren't the answer, then what can be done with anger?

Contrary to what you may have heard that angry feelings must never ever be "expressed", expressed anger refers to various forms of acting out in which one vents, rants and raves. Expressing consists of releasing raw impulses and basically dumping feelings on the other person. The key point here is the distinction between expressing versus describing one's feelings. Describing involves taking an emotional distance, and using your intellect to devise a clear-headed description of what you're feeling and why. Describing is what you're after. 

So please try keeping your temper to yourself, nobody wants it.

Don't fool yourself into believing that you cannot control what you say or do in the heat of anger. You can! You can control yourself when it comes to a boss or superior. You wouldn't think of telling off your boss because you know you'd lose your job! 

This means that you can choose to control yourself in your personal relationships if you want to. The reason people don't control themselves in their closer relationships is because they don't think they have to. What I'm talking about here is making the choice to control yourself with those you love most, because you have to. If you don't, you won't lose your job, you'll lose your relationships.  

It might be harder than you think to not mention what happened to you at all for some time, but give it a try. Enlist friends to keep you on track, or try putting a rubber band around your wrist and ‘pinging’ it just enough to cause you a sting each time you find yourself telling yourself letting those emotion burst and telling that story again. This is way to train the brain away from entrenched patterns.

Spying on others can also be addictive. If you can’t stop spying, you might need support. Tell a good friend, seek a support group for therapy or get an advice from an elder or expert. If you feel out of control, you might want to a counsellor for a round of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).

Bitterness often is a perfect disguise for a fear of change or of failing or loosing. If you deal with the fear, you won’t need the bitterness anymore.

For example, if you are claiming you will never marry this is because you were experiencing difficult times between your parents’ marriage. Is it possible you are holding on to your bitterness about marriage when you could work on your confidence to fix things in your relationships with other, take advice from someone wise, read about solving that problem learn how to tackle the situation better and get on with your dreams.

Learn to let go and forgive – but only at your own pace. Forgiveness is a great psychological release – but only if you are ready and it’s real. Fake forgiveness can be a way of just denying how you feel, or even hold you back from processing emotions and situations. 

And don’t forget to forgive yourself, too. This might be the hardest but most important part of moving on from bitterness.

Finding ways to re-frame what happened in ways that show yourself compassion can be a great release.

If you feel overwhelmed, again, don’t be afraid to seek support. Bitterness is a hard thing for anyone to get over, and sometimes the strongest thing you can do is admit you need help. You might want to try a round of compassion-focused therapy.

Get into the now moment by concerning yourself with current opportunities and goals that are about you and a positive future. One of the best techniques for staying centred is mindfulness. A tool used to constantly check in with your feelings, become conscious of the thoughts that are distracting you, and learn to notice the good things right in front of you.

Bitterness tends to fade in the face of excitement and joy – in other words, new and better experiences. Explore a long time interest, re-connect with others, and choose some new things to put into your life. Remember, either you enjoy what you possess and own or you experience its bitterness. It might be a relationship or may be those things that you own, but you need to own it first to feel different about it.

Bitterness is a powerful tide, and best intentions to do things like try new things and be mindful can soon be caught in its tug. The way around this is to not just make big goals, but also small goals every morning that keep you on the road away from bitterness.

A mood of embitterment can have us seeing life from a very narrow perspective indeed. Don’t be afraid to take expert advice from a great coach that can help you move forward in life. The truth is that bitterness can be quite the battle to move on from. 

And sometimes the strongest tactic and easiest way forward is to accept help. If your friends and loved ones are great listeners with no agenda, perfect. But if you need an unbiased viewpoint and a place you don’t feel judged, again, try a support group or a counsellor and a mentor.

Take your rivals as your inspiration, not enemies

Our rivals can make us better if we choose to study them rather than try to beat them. Do you feel that life is a competition—a game that must be won in a limited amount of time?

Well known, author and motivational speaker Simon Sinek says how “a worthy rival inspires us to take on an attitude of improvement.” Sinek admits that he first felt the need to compare himself to and despair about his perceived rival, Wharton professor Adam Grant. They shared a stage at a conference and both realized that there was no need to compete for book sales or any other marker. Since then, Sinek has turned his focus away from a limited mind set and arbitrary self-measurement and works only towards improving what he can offer to others.

Real leaders are the ones who think beyond ‘short term goals’ versus ‘long term goals.’ They are the ones who know that it is not about the next quarter, or the next examination or a few more years; it is about the next generation…because there is no finish line, no practical end to the game called life, there is no such thing as ‘winning’ an infinite game.” We face deadlines, like the one he had to finish the term or a race, but to succeed in the infinite game of life, we have to stop thinking about who wins or who’s the best and start thinking about how to build a system for the organizations that are strong enough and healthy enough to stay in the game for many generations to come. Or to think more broadly: Players with an infinite thinking want to leave their organizations, their loved ones and communities in a better shape than they found them and say “I lived a life worth living.”

We need to understand the things are to be used and people are to be loved. Putting people before your profit as often as possible is the key for a long term business. Business can make money and change the world yes but to make it last for a very very long time we need to have a leader’s thinking to nurture, train and support people that work with us and for us. Our rivals, no matter what they are, people or a scenario may be a phobia or a fear, can make us better if we see them more as inspiration then a competition.

To win a heart, you must surrender your heart first

I would reasonably prefer to surrender and feel like a winner, then cheat and feel like a looser.  Winning can never be your practice unless defeats have torn you apart and you have the experience of stitching back yourself one piece at a time and you  laugh in the faces of all defeats.

No one can ever think of winning and owning someone's heart unless he has a bigger heart to surrender his will, emotion desires, needs and egos for that person.

Giving up, surrendering and facing defeat seems to be very painful and difficult in a world that prefers competition, race and getting ahead faster and ruthless. We are trapped in deadly misconception of wining without losing our ego.

It is hard to understand delicacies like sacrifice, humility, compassion, sensitivity, creativity and respect towards the importance of our social values. We would rather go for a sacrificing money and our assets maybe some of our time to win other persons loyalty devotion commitment sensitivity, and his creativity thinking that we have made a great effort and a sacrifice feeling proud like a boss. 

Never feeling anything about what we have achieved or won in return. Winning like that never brings us the real essence of life, ate least not permanently because once that person is able to have a bigger more attractive offer he leaves. Because there is no emotional bonding no human values and relationship that lasts forever and we still blame him for quitting and giving up on us.  

Buying someone’s love, loyalty devotion and commitment   with money and material incentives like providing clothing, shelter and food even benefits like washing and cleaning or free cooking does not bring us compassion sensitivity care and humility forever it requires more than that to form an emotional bond. It needs us to surrender our heart our will and prove our loyalty devotion humility care and commitment.

You can always hire a maid to a lots of things for you and always get fresh food, cleaning and washing and if you can’t afford that you can always charm someone else into it but you can never win a heart and keep a loyal companion with you in all those hard and dangers times no matter what.

Again in a world of speed and shortcut we do not believe in reliable long lasting relationships actually we need everything fast and disposable. We would only concentrate on our financial strength to win and buy even a souse loyalty dedication care even love. We are not even interested in having a permanent father brother sister or even a mother on our side. Then why would prefer an employee with permanent long lasting relationship. 

But the thing is that we always complain for the mistrust, uncertainty and lack of loyalty and always want others to be perfect in every way for us. Always ready to help, caring and devoted and when they are not we never understand the real reason behind that.
Whatever we do, whatever relationship we need to have no matter what purpose we have in our lives if you don’t do it with all our heart with complete submission of our all our emotions and feelings we never get the desired results.

Half-hearted efforts have half the results. Incomplete unsatisfying achievements become the root cause of our frustrations and we still don’t believe why after all those spending and services rendered without putting a heart into them have no good results.

The secret behind all that is not in becoming someone, its actually being someone. All our lives we actually pretend to become someone. We do not like to be an actual father, mother even a brother, sister or even a souse. This goes the same way when we struggle to become a professional. We become a doctor scientist or an engineer but actually we never try to be one. 

Those who actually are the doctors scientist engineer or any other specialist or professional, become those few names that we can count on our fingertips and the world knows them. Realizing that we are not what we are trying to prove we don’t even repent. We keep on insisting that what’s wrong is actually right. We try to mould and twist facts in our favour and do our best to prove that what we are is actually what a true father, mother, and bother sister even a spouse should be like.  We not even pretend we perform a role an act in front of people. But when we are in private or alone or unaware that we are being noticed, the actual self-image leaks out revealing our ugly self-cause we can never hide those personality indicators. We underestimate others and think we are the clever one only and we can always fool everyone around.

The only answer to all these miseries agonies and troubles is in those simple ways of being yourself, try to be yourself only, not anyone else, be comfortable with yourself and let the outside world shape a different you,  a better you, sooner or later a better you will emerge. Not letting it happen won’t work it will keep on shaping you anyway, the harder you cling to what you are not, the harder deformation will